


Cell Block Tango

by Sia Doll (satisfactuality)



Category: Chicago (2002), Peanuts
Genre: Cell Block Tango, Other, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-15 22:03:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3463691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satisfactuality/pseuds/Sia%20Doll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frieda has a rather... interesting dream. (Songfic based on Chicago's Cell Block Tango)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cell Block Tango

**Author's Note:**

> Re-Post from my FF.Net account under the same name. Enjoy!

_"Stop,"_

_" Fix,"_

_" Filth,"_

_" Pumpkin,"_

_" Symphony,"_

_" Physics"_

Frieda immediately knows that she's dreaming, because she's wearing a gray dress, and that so clashes with her hair. She's in a dark room, sitting on a cold metal chair, and she can barely see the outline of a raised platform about twenty feet in front of her. Somewhere off to her right there's the echoing sound of a slowly leaking faucet, a steady __drip… drip… drip…_ _  that she's certain will drive her crazy before long. She fingers the edge of her dress and looks down to try to see through the dark what exactly she's wearing. By the feel of it, it's made of gingham. She doesn't like it.

There's the sound of machinery clanking high above her, and a fat beam of light slices through the darkness, landing on the raised platform. She realizes that the platform is a stage just as the figure of a man in a '30s-style suit steps into the spotlight.

_" And now, the six merry murderesses of the Adams County Jail in their rendition of the Cell Block Tango"_

And just like that, the man vanishes from the spotlight, and Frieda begins to realize what's going on. The drippy faucet has changed to a rhythmic tinny drumbeat, and a woman's voice comes from somewhere on the stage.

_" Stop,"_

_" Fix,"_

_" Filth,"_

_" Pumpkin,"_

_" Symphony,"_

_" Physics"_

Frieda listens as the six different voices snowball into one and chant,

"He had it coming!  
He had it coming!  
He only had himself to blame!  
If you'd have been there,  
If you'd have seen it,"

"I betcha you would have done the same!"

Freida listen as a single voice takes over the last line, and realizes with startling clearity that it's  __Lucy_ _  singing. She nearly laughes out loud, however, when Peppermint Patty steps into the light, until she starts talking.

"You know how people have these little habits that get you down. Like Chuck.  
Chuck liked to talk.  
No, not talk.  _Whine._  
So I came home this one day and I am really irritated, and I'm looking for a little bit of sympathy  
and there's Chuck lying on the couch, talking on the phone  
No, not talking,  
 _ _Whining__. So, I said to him,  
I said, "You stop right now or else" But he didn't.  
So I took my lucky bat off the wall  
and I let lose a killer home-run..."

A sicking smile spreads across the girl's face.

_" In. To. His. Head. "_

The other five voices join hers as they chant;

"He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had himself to blame  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have heard it  
I betcha you would  
Have done the same!"

She moves from the first spotlight into the second, and another figure steps forward. Freida recognizes Patty. She's sauntering forward with one hand on her hip, her eyes shadowed by straight cut bangs, and she looks fabulous.

"I met back up with Shermy in college about two years ago  
and he told me he was single  
and we hit it off right away.  
So, we started dating.  
He'd go to work, he'd come home,  
I'd fix him a drink, we'd go out dinner.  
And then I found out:  
"Single" he told me.  _Single, my ass._  
Not only was he dating someone...  
Oh, no, he was dating the entire girls soccer team. One of those Playboys, you know?  
So that night when he came home from work,  
I fixed him his drink, as usual."

She throws back her head with a little laugh that doesn't fit the mood at all.

"You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic."

The voices start back up as Patty melts back into the shadows.

"He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He took a flower  
In its prime  
And then he used it  
And he abused it  
It was a murder  
But not a crime!"

Violet struts forward, looking just as classy and gorgeous as ever.

"Now, I like to keep a clean house, particularly when I host parties. So un-proper not to.  
In storms my husband Mark in all his glory.  
All of his filthy,  _unkempt_ glory.  
I'd just had it with the consent clean,  
So I took matters into my own hands.  
I'm no rocket scientist"

She pauses,

"How was I supposed to know those chemicals would kill him?"

"If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would have done the same"

Sally takes over the spotlight, the confusion on her face not out of place.

"I don't understand why I'm here. It's not like I did anything wrong. I was going to meet Linus at the pumpkin patch one more time before he left for college, And now I'm here. The police told me I strangled him, but I can barely tie my shoes! I tried to explain it must've been the Great Pumpkin, but they just wouldn't listen."

 _" Yeah, but did you do it?"_ Freida asks.

Sally shrugs,

"Well no,  _not really_."

Freida barely has a moment to take in the blunt words before the lighting shifts. She's still staring at the darkness where Sally was sitting when the background music is replaced by a soft piano melody, and for once she's almost scared about the next verse.

Lucy's draped across Schroeder's piano, her black hair spilling over one shoulder as her nails clicked against it's surface.

"Schroeder and I moved to New York after high school,  
I was going to NYU and he was going to Julliard.  
Now, we were doing pretty well for ourselves, as well as two college students can.  
Schroeder'd even managed to get a job playing for a off-Broadway show while writing his first symphony.  
So this one night after the show we're having this great party with some of the cast,  
All of us, boozing, having a few laughs and we ran out of ice.  
So I go out to get some."

She slides off the piano in a move that's equal parts scary and seductive.

"I come back, open the door, and went to make sure no one was in our room. And there's Schroeder, at the piano, screwing some anorexic chorus girl."

Lucy grips Schroeder's shoulders, her nails digging into his skin. She slowly relaxes her hands as she continues.

"Well, I was in such a state of shock,  
I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing.  
It wasn't until later, when I was looking back at the fire,  
I even knew they were dead."

Freida can't help but wince as she grabs his shirt, yanking him off the piano bench, and the music practically  _explodes_. "He had it coming!" Lucy belts.

 _" He had it coming!_ " the girls echo, dragging the boys of their respective verses onto the stage.

"He had it coming all along!"

_" All along! "_

"I didn't do it!"

_" She didn't do it! "_

"But if I'd done it?"

_" But if she'd done it? "_

"How could you tell me that I was wrong?"

The music swells and vibrates over the stage as the five couples on stage tango in a circle around each other, the girls dominating the boys with every jerking motion.

"They had it coming!" Lucy cries.

_" They had it coming! "_

"They had it coming all along!"

_" They took a flower in its prime! "_

"I didn't do it!"

_" And then they used it! "_

"But if I'd done it?"

_" And they abused it! "_

"How could you tell me that I was wrong?"

The couples freeze as their spotlights dim and Marcie appears in the middle of the stage.

"Franklin was the first guy I ever meet who was on my level of intelligence, and we got along perfectly. I loved him as much as I loved algebraic equations, and he felt the same. But then he decide he wanted to study  _physics._ I guess you could say we broke up because miscalculations."

She giggles lightly, something Freida's never heard her do before.

"He wanted to stay alive, but somethings didn't add up."

The other girls shove their partners back into the shadows, and all six spin through a web of footwork. _" The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum! The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum! "_

Peppermint Patty, Violet, and Sally broke off into one group while Lucy, Patty, and Marcie stayed together and they began to echo off each other.

_" They had it coming! "_

_" They had it coming! "_

_" They had it coming all along! "_

_"' Cause if they used us! "_

_" And they abused us! "_

_" How could you tell us that we were wrong? "_

"You stop right now or else!" Peppermint Patty demands.

"Single my ass!" Patty says, rolling her eyes.

"I'm no rocket scientist!" Violet states defensively.

"Well no, not really!" Sally answers.

"I can't remember a thing!" Lucy says, eyes widening in mock innocence.

"Somethings didn't add up!" Marcie laughed.

Freida jolts awake, stumbling sleepily towards her bathroom to shut off the faucet.

_" Stop,"_

_" Fix, "_

_" Filth,"_

_" Pumpkin,"_

_" Symphony,"_

_" Physics"_

She thinks maybe she should have told Lucy to try out when the school did Chicago. She would have made a killer Velma Kelly afterall.

 


End file.
